Filed under: Uncategorized
I seem to have scared someone away. 
Filed under: Dull
Gosh, I haven’t blogged in months! I have good news. As of about a month ago, I am now a lawyer.
Yep, that’s what I’ve been up to! I’ve traveled to several different prestigious law schools around the world.
I found myself spending a lot of time in the Middle East (yes, that one) and have been taught by the most noble and ancient of law teachers.
I guess you could say I’m very cultured about law, because it’s true; for example, I now know how to behead Americans, over public broadcasts, in a professional environment. In fact, it was my final exam. Law is great.
Anyway, this is why I can relate to my girl Krystal for following her dreams and going for the medical / hair design career she’s always wanted!
We have a lot in common, Krystal and I, as we are both extremely adventurous, feisty and independent ladies.
Personally, I’m convinced there’s a special place in the hair plug industry waiting to be filled by Krystal and her revolutionary talent. Deep down, I knew scalp surgery would always be her thing.
Krystal, may God bless you on your travels through the mysterious world of artificial enhancement. I’m sure you are familiar with it by now, so cheers to you!
All that aside, I am pleased that my favorite globe trotter is back with updates on
1. her hair color
2. Canadian weather and
3. pictures of the side of her face.
You heard it here first, guys!
That’s right. I’m the hobo who approaches you on the streets of your local city telling you that HE KNOWS you had sex with your boyfriend about 2 hours ago. The funny thing is, he was right on the mark! You spend the next day or so wondering, “How did he know this? Was he there at the scene?”
The answer is, Yes. He was there at the scene.
So, the next time you have sex with your boyfriend, think of me. Especially you, TGO. Tell your boyfriend I said hi.
Once upon a time, there was a drama fiend named Nicole. Discouraged and unsatisfied with the internet, Nicole went into hiding. Where was Nicole? I mean, obviously she still existed, because she clearly lurked on TGO’s website and occasionally said stupid things.
Yet still, Nicole liked to pretend she went into hiding.
And then, one day, Nicole crawled out of her well in the middle of the forest and discovered the Apocalypse. Is it Krystal? Is it God? Only time will tell.
Filed under: Dull, Shgjbks | Tags: Drugs, insanity, Janet, motivational speech, optimism, Spring, TGO
I’ve been thinking lately about myself. I do this a lot. Especially now since all my hard partying over Spring Break (read: intense internet browsing, intense overconsumption) is over and I am sinking into an all-new low of misery.
I think about how far I’ve gone psychologically, and often I find interesting people who have traits that I used to have. This interests me. It also repulses me a bit. Insecurity, defensiveness and self-loathing are all things that I used to proudly wear on my utility belt of mental instability. Now that they are gone, I can’t stand them in other people. Why doesn’t everyone just get a medical marijuana subscription, or if you’re not into the wild world of drugs (or maybe you’re a Scientologist) why not just calm the fuck down?
Someone I really admire is Janet because of her strong will. Even though she often goes through difficult times, she is optimistic and never backs down from her post, even if TGO gets all giggly about her flaws. Admittedly she has more mental instabilities than I can count (and possibly more than she can count herself), but she is still taking her life for what it is, proud of what she enjoys, and is content with what she has.
Goddamn it! I’ve never had that phase. And neither have any of those other insecure little cunts that I’ve seen on the massive psycho ward that is the Internet.
To end this post in an optimistic blaze of glory, I say to you: Merry fucking Christmas, and God bless us One and All. I don’t give a shit if you’re a Scientologist.
It’s true. The internet has not been doing much for me these days. I journeyed to the darkest parts of the web. I browsed horrid vampire art. I became a /b/tard. I got an AIM account in hopes of finding a pedophile to troll. Still no hope for Nicole.
It seems that it will be difficult to replace the hole in my heart that Krystal left when she retreated from her little online battle station.
However, I did learn some interesting tips on how to be an internet insurgent. Honestly, I think Scientology is little more than a silly attempt at world fascism. As much as I’d love to go to a protest, it doesn’t seem quite worth protesting to me. The only people who truly believe in its values are celebrities. Come on, now. But still, an anonymous group taking down CoS single-handedly sounds appealing as maybe a movie or something.
I haven’t been thinking a lot about web design, not to mention coding. I wrote some bad poetry about pancakes.
I hope that someday I can find a purpose in life that doesn’t have to do with subscribing to blog feeds or watching other people have all the fun hacking and such or whatever you kids do nowadays.
In fact, you know what? I would like to become a hacker. That will give me power, and possibly money.
Filed under: Drugs, Hot Damn | Tags: Buffalo Bill, Chris, death threats, Ex-Boyfriend, Hotmail, Sarah
Ever an expert on linguistics, Sarah’s ex boyfriend continues to impress her by saying this on revered Internet bully TGO’s website:
Hey u mother of a fucker im watching you asswipe i got the police tracking your page. Delete my name of your site or i wil l have it closed down my family work for the police and will track ur site.
i will have u killed you black fucker. Haha.
This guy Chris is accusing TGO of being A) not a mother fucker but the mother OF a fucker, and B) black.
And then we go to Sarah’s blog and discover more about this wonderful man. Go ahead and email him. You know you want to. Not that I’m a bigot of sorts, but this guy uses Hotmail. You know who also uses Hotmail? Krystal uses Hotmail. This leads me to the conclusion that Hotmail is the email client of kings.
i always be better and health than you in life, and ive lost alot of weight now im 10 stone now, alot thinning than your fat arse, i got a degree to show my hard work and with that get higher wages as well, i dont care because your a loser in life that has not job and no carear, when you die and dig you up and cut your head off and stick it on a stick on the wrekin saying a loser forever
He may always be better and health than you in life, but that doesn’t mean that he is a champion speller. He would like Sarah to know that he’s a lot thinning than her fat arse.
You know you are not actually attracted to women when you compare your weight to that of your ex-girlfriend.
Let’s take a look at some more nonsense:
you know what you big FAT Fucker who cannot even get in a house and sean is an ugly fucker who has a gay personality with his condition haha he needs to have a fucking face lift, if he thinks he is hard then come to my house you fat fucking with the most uglyest piece of shit of a man i aint scared of that dick head
Something I didn’t know before: When you have cerebral palsy, you are gay! Or, not quite gay. You just have a gay personality. That’s an important note.
I’ll close this entry with my favorite quote of all time:
cut your head off and stick it on a stick on the wrekin saying a loser forever
This one’s a winner, Sarah. I commend you for having dated him. Really, I do.
GOD my blog has gotten dull. The most insane thing I’ve seen all day is the coffee I was making this morning, which trickled down pathetically into the pot and was grossly reminiscent of urination.
I’m really enjoying the abundance of passive-agressiveness as of late. Since Krystal is out of town, I’m glad to see that some people are trying to start a little drama of their own. Fabulous! Just what I like to see. All I really need to do is be passive-aggressive RIGHT BACK AT THEM!
I enjoy it. I really do. Almost as much as I enjoy acting like TGO and copying his every move. Mmmmm!
Filed under: Shgjbks, You Swine! | Tags: death threats, friendly, harassment, jokes, restraining order, your worst nightmare
It is SO hard to face rejection. I ONLY tried to add Krystal about 70 times on Myspace! Oh Krystal, you know how much I admire and adore you. It breaks my heart when you tell me to fuck off. It makes me cry when you threaten to report me. Oh so much. Why can’t we be friends, wonderful, fabulous Krystal? Why don’t we ever stay in touch anymore? Remember how much fun we used to have together?
